Hi blog world, hi internet friends.

I know it’s been awhile, and I know….that I start off every post that way. The truth is - the internet has been a weird place for me lately. Lately as in like… a whole year. And we’ll talk more about that later but it just seemed like a daunting task to get on my blog and write. You guys are so nice to me when it comes to my writing. I think that is the only medium where I receive little to no criticism or hate. So you would think I would do it all the time, right? Girl who lives and breathes and thrives off of validation?? Yeah, I don’t know Susan. I receive so much love and praise and yes, validation & attention when I write but I also feel an intense pressure. From myself, and only myself, but when I sit down to write, with the knowledge that it will be consumed by hundreds and thousands of people… I get scared! It is the only aspect of my life in which I am a perfectionist.

I always think about people like Taylor Swift who manage to pump out hit after hit, banger after banger… every damn time. Does she ever get scared?? Scared that her next lead single about a scorned lover will flop on the charts? I mean i’m sure she does. But it’s what she’s good at. It’s her gift. It comes so naturally to her. She does it anyway, and it succeeds every time. And does it succeed because it’s her best most perfect body of work every time? Or is it because her fans, the people who love and adore her, will always be there, lining up on album release day, threatening beliebers and Kpop stans with their lives if they don’t stream? I think it’s that.

It’s you guys.

June 17th is always a bittersweet day in my life. The day before my birthday, my final day as my current age. Being a gemini, and just being Indy Severe in general… I am sentimental to my core. It’s my greatest strength and simultaneously, my greatest weakness. I make too big of a deal about things and I cry over the series finale of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. It’s just who I am. But instead of being embarrassed about it, I embrace it. I love that part of me. And I love that every year on June 17th, I get a little lump in my throat thinking about that year of my life being over. The chapter closing.

So here I am on June 17th, 2019 - writing my little “christmas card” about being 21, the things I did, the places I went, and most importantly, the things I’ve learned. I’ve had so many realizations this last year and I’ve learned a lot because of them. I’ve narrowed it down to the 5 most important realizations I’ve had while being 21 and Im gonna share them with you and probably make it way longer and more dramatic then it needs to be, and maybe make you cry a little bit because… (say it with me)

ITS JUST WHO I AM.

Growing up, my mom’s favorite song to play for us was ‘Stay Gold’ by Stevie Wonder. Remember that song from ‘The Outsiders’? One of the greatest songs of all time?! Yeah. That one. Its one of my favorites.

The first verse goes like this:

Seize ... upon the moment of long ago

One breath away and there you will be

So young and carefree again you will see

That place in time

So gold

You don’t ever realize in the moment that the ‘gold’ times are ‘gold’ do you? You never understand how good it is, until it’s over. Right?

I want to talk about ‘seasons of life.’

(fair warning - I say seasons of life approximately 38,790 times in this post, I’m SORRY.)

Remember that moment as a kid when you became ‘self aware’? You probably don’t, but i’m sure your mom does.

My Aunt recently wrote an instagram post about how her sixth grader son took off his heelies and handed them to his younger brother after passing a group of girls from his school at the mall. In one instant, it was as if he suddenly became aware of what other people thought of him, or what was considered ‘cool.’

Kind of adorable, kind of heart breaking right?

I remember being little and my best friend saying to me “Indy. Did you hear? Kylie doesn’t like to play pretend anymore.” My jaw dropped to the ground. Kylie was two years older than us, but we were dumbfounded. “What do you MEAN she doesn’t like to play pretend?!!!!??!?!?!” I cried out, in utter disbelief - as if my favorite barbie had just been thrown away.

But it happens. To all of us. Eventually, pretending to be mermaids just doesn’t feel the same as it did when you were seven.

I’ve  always loved going to LA. Ever since I was a kid who practiced her “Hi my name’s Indy and you’re watching Disney Channel” in the mirror every night before bed. I grew up idolizing Mary Kate and Ashley and performing self taught monologues to my stuffed animal audience. Hollywood was my first WORD.

I finally convinced my parents to take me there on one of our designated “beach days” during our Disneyland trip. I was absolutely giddy and wide eyed the entire drive up. Never mind the graffiti, or homeless men trying to get in our cars or the fact that there was not a single Jonas Brother in sight. I was on the walk of fame! Posing with Michael Jacksons star!  IT WAS MAGIC BABY!

In the years to come, I still loved LA. There was always that innocent excited feeling I got every time I drove into the city. And I remember as I got older, thinking I was supposed to hate it. In the same way that all New York snobs hate Times Square (which I also love lol) I was supposed to hate LA. You never met a hipster from Southern California who didn’t gag at the mention of it.  And I probably pretended to hate it too. But deep down I just couldn’t play. I couldn’t lie to myself. My pop culture loving heart just ached to be there. 

Do you remember the moment you realized the world didn’t revolve around you?

It’s usually at a pretty young age. (OKAY FINE I JUST BARELY REALIZED IT OKAY FINE)

it’s alright to admit that humans are selfish creatures. It’s in our nature.

When you’re born, there’s no orientation into life. Theres not a sit-down meeting, where you are explained what is about to happen. There’s no instructions on “being a human.” And even if there were, by the time you were at an age to understand such an introduction, you would have already lived for several years.

Therefore, you grow up in your own little world. Naturally, and subconsciously… selfish. 

Almost like the Truman Show. You’re the main character and everyone else is just ‘participating’ in your life.

And then one day it hits you. Does everyone think this way? 

So let’s talk about her then. My nose. The star of the show.

There are several reasons why I am talking about this publicly, and we’ll get to all of those reasons. But the main one, is just that I don’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about! Plastic surgery has such a bad reputation. But I think we should own it, in the same way that we do when we show up to school, licking our teeth and flashing our pearly whites in the direction of our hot student teacher after getting our braces off in 8th grade.

I had always been a confident kid. Maybe a little too confident, actually, which is why I think Mother Nature decided to send a softball flying through the air at full speed, hitting me directly on the bridge of my nose at age 14. To take me down a couple notches. To bring me back down to earth. - literally.

In High School, I was a cheerleader, and this really needs no further explanation. I can confidently say I had a solid 3 more nose breaks during those years. In other words, I’ll be sending an invoice to all of my flyers that I based throughout high school. Y’ALL ARE SIGNING THIS CHECK NOT ME!!!!!

Bali was a breath of fresh air. I went for the first time last summer, and I fell in LOVE, dreaming of when I would get to go back someday.  Never in a million years did I think I would be back so soon, but if you know me, you know I live by two rules and they are:

1. Say yes to spray tans

2. Say yes to cheap flights

So when we got an alert for a cheap flight to Bali, Tristen and I gathered up our best friends from high school and made it happen. 

I always have a hand full of half filled disposable cameras in my closet. I'm a memory hoarder, plaaaain and simple.  I'm seriously the worst to travel with when it comes to taking pictures because I have to switch off between my DSLR, polaroid, snapchat, and disposable camera haha.

Disposables are so much fun though because it takes me so long to get them developed, that by the time I actually do, it's a complete surprise!!

I took three cameras in last week and just barely got the film back and you guyyyyys. MY HEART!!! So many memories scattered from the last year of my life, and I love it all. Here's some of my favorites: